Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
