Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm both gender and math confused
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
