I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
