Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
