Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
