Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
