It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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