His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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