Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
