You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
