dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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