I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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