its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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