I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
