Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
