My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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