Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
