So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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