i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
