I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
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Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
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Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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