dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
