I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
