Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Shame is for Republicans.
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