Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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