no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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