Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
whose parrot is this?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
