Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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