what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
