Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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