I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
