He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
