I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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