Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
