I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
