you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
