Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
