She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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