those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
