put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just gargled with NyQuil
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
