4 words: hood of his car
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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