AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
