She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
