the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
