If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
