Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
