Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
