I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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