if only i could text you this smell
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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