Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
