If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
