My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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