she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
