ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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