I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
