In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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