I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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