I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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