I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
