i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
