Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
