I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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