If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
