Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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