Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
