new low.... made out with someone while peeing
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
