someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
