the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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