I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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