I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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