please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
