i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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