i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
