The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
