Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
