hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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