I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
